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Halloween is the one time of year that we can discuss teeth and vampires together and it makes perfect sense. Here is why vampires would be horrible dentists.
No Mirrors = No Brushing
Vampires notoriously do not reflect. Which means no mirror selfies, and no teeth check after a midnight snack!
How can you clean your fangs if you can’t even see them?
We’d gladly take our bathroom mirror and electric toothbrush over a lifetime of darkness any day.
Blood Isn’t Good for Enamel
A vampire’s diet is what shall we say, less than perfect for teeth.
Blood contains a lot of iron, which can stain teeth. If you think of drinking red wine every night for 300 years, that’s the idea.
So, although vampires may sparkle in the movie, how do they really smile? Probably not so bright.
They Would Never Be Open During the Day
Imagine making an appointment with “Count Smila’s After-Dark Dentistry.”
Open only at dusk and dawn, and you’d need garlic-free toothpaste.
At The Little Tooth Dental Clinic, we prefer to see our patients during the daytime (we promise, no bite marks).
Those Fangs Would Be an Orthodontic Nightmare
Cool-looking fangs would be a nightmare to bite.
We’d be sending Dracula for some major orthodontic treatment: overbite correction, retainer fitting, and likely a night guard (although knowing him, he already sleeps in one).
Zero Bedside Manner
When someone is whispering, “This won’t hurt a bit” during a cleaning, the last thing you want is for them to be in your source room.
Dentistry is comfort, care, and compassion – three things vampires find difficult.
No more fangs, just gentle hands and warm smiles with lots of fluoride.
A Smile That Lasts Forever
One thing we can say for sure: if they’d had immortality, they’d never need dentures.
Also, we’re confident we can make our patients’ smiles last as long as possible through regular visits and good brushing and flossing.
Final Bite
So this Halloween, as you see a vampire flash their fangs, keep in mind that it may look sharp, but they have definitely missed a few cleanings.
At The Little Tooth Dental Clinic, we’re all about keeping your smile bright, healthy, and a little less spooky.
Happy Halloween from our team; remember to brush after the candy!
